Grandpa

I have pondered this blog post for more than 4 months, and have struggled how I could pen a memory that I wish wasn't one. But one that is so dear to me, that nothing can do it justice. On August 12, 2015, my Grandpa passed away. While we knew this was coming and, sadly, sooner than later, it was breathtaking news. I learned in March on our way back from New Orleans that Grandpa was given grim news from his doctors and mere months to live. He had battled prostate cancer for years and years.  From March to May our family did a slight tailspin, trying to prepare, plan "last" visits, walk a fine line of denial and reality. Selfishly, I felt out of control and desperate, being nearly a country away from my grandparents in California. Then thankfully and prayerfully, things started coming together and our little family was able to fly out to California to spend some time with Grandpa. You can revisit that beautiful trip in these blog posts if you'd like (I do from time to time): 1, 2, 3, 4. 

I didn't write much in those posts about the sensitive issues that we dealt while we visited with Grandma and Grandpa, it seemed too real at the time. Our visit had an elephant in the room the entire time, and he followed everything we did. We all knew this visit would be the last time we would see my Grandpa. While we were there, Josh and I met with a palliative care doctor who came to visit Grandpa and Grandma, and we helped them manage medications and symptoms, and explained the Hospice system. I can only hope that during those very tear-filled and raw moments, Josh and I were able to help my grandparents manage what was to come. At the very end of our visit with my grandparents, and I struggle to write this..., the last hug my grandpa gave was the most beautiful and painful embrace I have ever had. I hope I never, ever forget it. We prayed inwardly, clung to each other, and struggled with what to say in those last moments. That elephant was right there. I promised him I would see him again, we both knew that meant Heaven. I thank God that I know that. But that hug lasted a long time, and I can still feel it.

Grandpa had his ups and his downs over the rest of summer, and lots of visitors. And then I got the call about his passing and arrangements. Within 12 hours I was boarding a plane in Nashville to head to California to be with my family and to lay Grandpa to rest. It was a whirlwind to say the least. But this quick trip was not just filled with tears, it was filled with love and lots of laughter. And lots and lots of pictures of my Grandpa thru the years with his people, and with Grandma. I snagged some of the photos from the video, and while all 500+ of them are precious to me, I only put a fraction of them on here. Grandpa had a huge heart, and he loved his family. He especially loved his wife. He loved to travel. He just loved life. I love that you can see how much he loved his people and life in these pictures...

Grandpa and Grandma have 6 children, 12 grandchildren (+1 grandson-in law), and 2 great-grandchildren. And everyone was able to come celebrate his life except my brother Wesley (unable to get leave from the Navy...I know Grandpa would rather Wes be flying anyways!), and Josh and my boys. It was a gorgeous celebration of life, and there is something to be said about the passing of a Christian: while we selfishly cried for our loss we KNEW that Grandpa was in Heaven. And no longer suffering. And so when times were funny, we could laugh, and feel like Grandpa was laughing with us.   

After the visitation Grandma took us all out to pizza. And we laughed, we cried, we joked, and we were a family. 

During the reception following the funeral we took advantage of everyone being nicely dressed and got some pictures of the grandkids (minus Wes...who my dad stood in for in one of the pics!).

The centerpieces at the tables had pictures of Grandpa's car and the jars were filled with his favorite candy: lemon drops. Lots of puckered faces could be found that weekend as we all reached in and grabbed a lemon drop to suck on and bring back memories.

Grandkids from youngest to oldest (L to R)...yep, I'm the oldest!

 

Aunt Angie and Grandma with a fateful can of Diet Coke...

Uncle Ed seeing Grandma to the car. 

Part of my family...we are missing lots of men in this picture!

That afternoon several of us went back to Grandma's house and decided to get Grandpa's car out of the garage and take rides in it. This car was Grandpa's second love, beside his family. He built this car from the ground up and it is an icon in our family. 

Uncle Randy and Mom, then Haylee and I joined in!

Tyler, Hannah, and Paige were next for rides!

Then Uncle Steve, Aunt Lynn, and Aunt Vicki got their turn!

Before the sun went down, we parked the car in Grandma and Grandpa's backyard and took pictures with it.

Uncle Randy and Aunt Vicki, Tyler and Haylee

Uncle Steve and Aunt Lynn, Paige and Dallas

Mom and Dad, Hannah and I

We got Grandma in this one! Can you find her?!! My only regret is that only half the families are here...it was a spontaneous, spur of the moment thing and I suppose the memo just didn't get relayed?

That evening we went out to eat one last time, and enjoyed each others company before we all parted ways the next day.

An attempt to get a good picture with my cousin Paige and my sister...nearly impossible with Dad and Hannah!!

My sister's photogenic skills can best be explained by genetics...

The whole weekend was a debate between me and my younger cousin Haylee on who was taller. Everyone was saying Haylee, but she insisted I was. I have always been the tallest, BUT she definitely has me beat by at least a quarter of an inch! :) We measured the next morning at breakfast at Grandma's. I had to teach her to stand up straight first!

Then we headed out and hugged and parted ways. I still had a couple days left in California, and I chose to go camping (gasp!) with my Aunt Kim and Uncle Ed, and Aunt Vicki and Uncle Randy at their deer camp...and cousins Haylee, Tyler, Ross, Riley, and Steven. We had a great time in the mountains, and believe it or not I "roughed it." And may have picked up a slight appreciation for camping. My cousin Steve went to the bathroom by a tree the first night and came upon a rattle snake. We ate really good and relaxed a lot. We laughed til we had tears. We talked, cried, and reminisced. And regretted a little of not doing more of this (that may have been more me). And we went on a hike that was double what we thought it was (like 6 miles vs 3!)...and even though I am not outdoorsy and was scared to death of being eaten alive by a bear or a mountain lion I had a fantastic time.

Pictures from our hike... 

A waterfall!!! Don't be fooled...it is a tiny one!

 

Do you see a monkey?!?!!!   (It's just Haylee!)

We hiked a portion of the Pacific Crest Trail!  And we ended up at Deadfall Lake. It was breathtaking!!!

 
When I returned home from a very long and emotional trip, everyone was already in bed (it was 1 or 2 in the morning) but I was greeted by a wonderful welcome home gift!