Looking Back. Part 2. Great grandparents.

At the end of March we decided to go visit Josh's grandparents and let them visit with the boys. Josh mentioned that his mom's parents hadn't met Finn yet. I had a hard time believing it, afterall he is 8 months old. But I honestly couldn't conjure up any memory of having him with us in their home, so I supposed (and am ashamed to admit) he was right. We had a "free" weekend of no one working, and didn't want to stay in the house, and didn't want to go shopping or do housework...so it was the perfect weekend to take the boys to visit Josh's grandparents. We started at Granny and Pop's house (these are Josh's mom's parents...) and ate lunch with them. I think both boys had a big time and Granny got her fill of Finley! Poor Pop is not in the greatest of health and I offered to have him hold Finn (he was trying to talk to him) but he was afraid he would drop him. Keagan doesn't sit still for pictures anymore so they are all of the back of his head!

After lunch we headed over to visit with Bama, Josh's dad's mom, who is in a nursing facility. Bless her! She has no idea who we are, I don't even think she knew what she had to eat that day. She is so darn sweet, though, and is just tickled to have visitors. Especially little ones! To see her smile and kiss on our boys brings tears of joy to my eyes. She was in fantastic spirits, despite us waking her up from her afternoon nap, and couldn't get enough of Finley. She kept saying that he was a "stout little thing" and that Keagan was "so busy."

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Update: I had a neurologist appointment Monday and we talked a lot about the stroke, what caused it, and what to expect in the months to come. I learned that the "pulled muscle" in my neck was actually the pain from the vertebral artery tearing. I also learned that I had a little more residual deficits than I thought, but nothing severe. I have saccadic movement in my eyes (you can look this up, but it is basically a beating of my eyes during tracking versus the normal fluid movement) and the vertigo I have is also left over. Both of these things will heal with time and are not hindering me much at all. I did think I had something going on with my eyes I just couldn't figure it out, but the doctor caught it without my mentioning it and gave it a name. I asked lots of questions and he spent a lot of time answering me. Basically, it all boiled down to how lucky I was because of the location of the stroke. I wanted to ask "how big" it was (mainly for my own curiosity) but didn't because he said the size didn't matter but where it occurred. And I apparently had mine in the best place to have a stroke. I also learned that while this kind of stroke is rare in the whole scheme, it is the most common type in my age group. As for prognosis: it is great. Once the artery is healed (he is hoping 3 months time) I can go back to living like normal and come off the blood thinners. I have a CT-angiogram in 3 months to check on the artery and then hopefully will be off the medicine. As for trying to get my blood thin, it isn't going well. I don't know why, and everyone seems kinda baffled by this. While I was in the hospital the plan was to only to be on Lovenox injections 5-7 days until the Coumadin kicked in. I have had lots of blood draws and every time they test it I am still thick. It's strange and frustrating. I am still having to have shots in my belly 2x/day. And I am bruised and sore. And, yes, I am whining about it (even though I know this is "nothing" compared to what I could be doing).  I have another blood test Tuesday and am praying that I am therapeutic and can stop the injections and just do the pills. Also, the neurologist is testing me for a genetic disorder called Marfan's syndrome. Mainly because I am tall and thin and if I have the disorder it could be why my vertebral artery dissected. Also, if it comes back positive they know how to treat me with future issues and will check me for other health issues that go along with this syndrome. I don't really have the typical presentation or characteristics so I don't think I have this (and neither does the doctor) but cautious is the name of this game. I am starting to feel much better. Less headaches, less fatigue (though it is still there!). I have a bit of anxiety and am emotional still, and my neck still hurts a little on the right...especially if I over-do it...and this is anxiety inducing in and of itself. But overall I am getting back to life, and will be returning to work on Monday! :) 

Looking Back. Part 1. The Circus.

A couple of weeks ago, Josh and I took Keagan to the Ringling Brothers circus. We didn't tell him until a couple of days before because we knew he would be talking about it non-stop if we told. And he proved us right because the day before the circus he started crying in his car seat because we were going home instead of to the circus. How do you explain time to a toddler? But the morning of the circus we laid out everything that would happen: go to school, come home and get ready, go to dinner, then go to the circus. He was ready! We had no idea if he would be entertained by it or if he would be bored and whiny. Let's just say that this kid has an amazing attention span and loved every second of the 2 hour show! He was entranced. It was fun to watch him watch it. I really wish I had the awe that children have. But the next best thing is watching your own child. I was trying to take pictures in the beginning then put my phone and camera down, and at one point he said, "Momma! Take pictures!" To which I asked him what he'd like me to take pictures of. Well he knew: The puppies. The elephants. And those were his favorite parts of the circus, too...he told us in the car ride home. Finn stayed at home with Carissa because we thought he was too little to enjoy it (or mostly his bedtime was the start time of the circus and you do NOT mess with this child's bedtime). Keagan was upset at first that Finn wasn't going, but he quickly forgot! We had a nice time with our first born boy but we are looking forward to taking both back next year!

Finn was apparently just perfect for Carissa!

Waiting for dinner at Culvers...

Aren't these the coolest snowcones ever? If they weren't $20 I would've insisted we get one!!

 Of all the twirly light-up toys, cotton candy, and clown snow cones, Keagan just wanted some popcorn! Of course, we obliged. 

In the blink of an eye...

...my eyes wouldn't focus.
...my face became paralyzed on the right.
...my head was throbbing.
...my world was spinning, leaning.
...my world stopped turning.
...my life could have been altered forever.
...my life could have been over.
...my husband and children would be alone.

In the blink of an eye, on a finally-warm Spring day, I went from having a picnic lunch and fun conversation with my best friend and our families to having a stroke. Yes, you read correctly. I had a stroke. This past Saturday. It is still surreal to me. But I feel the need to talk/write/pray/cry about it and this is my outlet. So even though you are hearing my story, I am hoping you will learn something from my experience.
Stacey and I were literally mid-conversation when my eyesight changed, I got hot and dizzy, and could feel the right side of my face going numb. I was holding Finn in my lap, half-reprimanding Keagan who was sitting next to me because he had just thrown rocks at Stacey's car. I asked someone to take Finley from me because I could tell I was getting worse. Stacey told me that I said out loud that I was having a stroke. I don't remember saying it but I remember thinking it, and praying that I was wrong. But, what else would cause this? I laid my head down on the picnic table; with my eyes closed the world didn't spin as much. But with my eyes closed I could tell my face was paralyzed on the right. I assessed my legs and hands...they felt normal. But I could only half-smile. Funny...but throughout this I smiled more than I probably ever do...I was testing my facial muscles. And I was only half-smiling. Meanwhile Stacey was throwing things into the cars, buckling kids up, formulating a plan with Jarrett. I tried to stand up to walk to my car, Jarrett was going to drive me to the ER. But there was no way. I couldn't even sit up straight, let alone walk straight. And I couldn't see where I was going/what I was doing either. I just kept my eyes closed. We were deep in LBL (Land Between the Lakes for you non-Kentuckians). About the worst place I could to be having a stroke. A good 45 minute drive to any hospital around. That is unless Jarrett was driving. I don't know how quickly he got me to the hospital but he got me there fast, and it felt like an eternity still. (to be fair, I think he thinks it was an eternity, too)
Jarrett drove me and the boys in my car to Marshall County Hospital. All the way there I could tell my symptoms were worsening. My face was all-out drooping on the right. My eyes could both open, but I could not individually open my left eyelid. My thought processes and speech seemed fine, albeit panicky. I prayed out loud the whole way, only to be silent for self-assessments (sometimes it hurts to know too much about the human body...) and for Jarrett to quickly ask me if I was okay? He sounded panicked. I started to get nauseated and the vomiting started, and never stopped. I couldn't move to vomit in a "better" location so it just went all over me. I was leaning to the right and trying to move away from that position further induced vomiting. I continued to check my smile. My hearing seemed to be going in/out, too. At some point during the drive I got ahold of Josh at work and told him to meet me at the hospital because I was having a stroke. And then I hung up. That's all I could muster to tell him, my energy seemed drained. (That's not the worst possible phone call, is it?)
Jarrett got me to the hospital and Josh got there at the same time. He opened the car door and I remember nearly falling out. Vomit everywhere. He was very upset, holding me. Asked me if I was OK. I remember saying NO! I need help now! So into the hospital we walked, with me vomiting everywhere still. Josh had to hold me up, I could move my legs but I couldn't stand upright. Turns out we were not at the ER. So back into the car I went and then around to the ER. Once we got in, the doctors and nurses acted fast. I was "that" patient that came in demanding that they make this fast, I was having a stroke and I needed that clot busting medicine stat because I knew I didn't have much time. I don't know what they thought about me, but I really didn't care. They got the history of events. They drew blood, started an IV and took me for a CT scan of my head. The nurse tried to turn my head to midline, prompting more vomiting. I couldn't stop. My symptoms didn't seem to be letting up at all. Then, suddenly, I could open my left eye on it's own. I stopped vomiting. I could turn my head to midline. I felt like my smile was starting to come back. By the time I got back to the exam room, all that was left of the symptoms was a bit of paralysis in my face. The symptoms in total lasted about an hour. Crazy thing was my CT came back normal, everything looked normal. The ER doctor looked perplexed. He just kept doing the neuro exams on me over-and-over (smile, wiggle eyebrows, stick out my tongue - which was deviated at first - touch finger to nose, etc...). He had consulted with the neurologist in Paducah and they decided I needed to be transferred. Right before the transfer the ER doc told me at best I had a TIA (mini stroke) but that even my symptoms were more persistent and longer lasting than what is typical with a TIA.
I had my first ever ambulance ride to Baptist Hospital in Paducah. It was bumpy but I felt okay by then so it wasn't too bad. Once I got checked into the hospital, more blood, more tests, more "stroke protocol" because I was put on the neuro floor. I had a CTA done (to look at the vessels in my brain) and it came back normal. So the neurologist came in and talked with me at length about my history, what was going on, what I had been doing new lately, etc. We talked about my migraine history, and that I had actually started a new exercise workout this past week and had experienced a migraine after each workout. We talked about how I felt like a migraine might have been coming on that morning as well, even though I didn't work out. We also briefly talked about how I pulled a muscle in the right side of my neck during my workout friday morning. After everything was said and done, the neurologist concluded that I had had a Basilar-type migraine. It basically mimics a stroke. After he left I looked it up and sure enough, everything was on-board with his diagnosis. And my headache was coming in full force by that point. OH the relief! It wasn't a stroke. It was just a migraine. The nurse came in and gave me my medicines and had me sign some consents because the doc wanted to do an MRI in the morning.
The next morning the doctor came in and we talked about why he wanted to do the MRI (mainly to compare the one I had in June 2012 to now, since I was actually hospitalized then with stroke-like symptoms that turned out to be a migraine) and we also talked about preventative measures regarding migraines since they seem to be worsening. He basically said I was going to be discharged after my MRI and he'd call me with the results, because he felt certain it would be fine. So I had my MRI and waited and waited and waited and when I thought I was getting to go home, in walks the neurologist. He goes through his special tests, has me do some balance tests, then nonchalantly tells me that I did, in fact, have a stroke. I nearly hit the ceiling. And held back tears. And held back my lunch, too. I actually thought he was joking so I probably nervously laughed a little. But he wasn't joking. When he went back to the CTA  I had performed the day before he saw a dissection of my vertebral artery on the right. Essentially, in hurting my neck during crossfit on Friday, I caused an internal tear of the vertebral artery in the C-spine (my neck) from C3-C5. This caused blood to pool and a clot to form which then traveled to my cerebellum (the small "butt" part of the brain...at the back lower portion of the brain). Basically, a very freak accident.
So what now? I am on blood thinners for a long while until that artery is healed up. I am currently getting Lovenox injections in my stomach twice a day and taking Coumadin in pill form. I am having blood drawn daily to measure my levels. I am basically a human pin cushion and my arms and belly are all bruised from all the needles. I will have repeat scans in 3 months. I should be healed in 3-6 months but I really don't know yet what that means. I have a neurologist appointment on Monday and I am anxious to learn more about all this, and my prognosis. I have lotsa questions!
How do I feel? Well, I am super exhausted. My head pounds pretty much constantly. The first 3 days I was really scared because the doctor let me go home with strict orders to be aware of any change in symptoms. If I started to have swelling I had to be rushed in for emergency surgery to relieve the swelling (burr hole). I am currently on lifting restrictions and cannot lift my babies. This is hard. I cannot get comfortable because my neck hurts and my head pounds in certain positions. And I am not allowed to be alone. I didn't think I had any residuals from the stroke but I am starting to notice a few things: my eyes don't focus quite as fast right now, my balance is a bit off, and when I close my eyes or turn my head I have some vertigo.  (side effects from the meds??)  BUT I AM ALIVE. I AM ALIVE. And not only am I alive, I am whole. I will be able to lift my babies once my restrictions are lifted. I will be able to go back to work. I will go back to being the wife and mommy I was before. God put me with friends that day, as I was just going to stay home. God told them what to do and how to take care of me. He was with me the entire time and He still is. People have asked me what to pray for specifically and I ask them to praise God, because I know what could have been. I work with it weekly, in fact just discharged a patient who had a stroke in the right vertebral artery but in his brain. He is paralyzed on the left side of his body, arm and leg. The vertebral artery is one of the 4 main arteries that feed the brain. I know how this could have ended for me. I still appreciate the prayers, as I am still healing, but I also thank God for sparing my life.
The past 5 days have been emotional, shocking, hectic, scary, and a whirlwind. But I got to leave that hospital and come home and hold my babies and my husband tight. And there is no greater feeling. I am so incredibly thankful for Stacey and Jarrett. They will probably just think they were doing what friends would do, but they saved my life. And took care of my babies until my in-laws could come. And I am utterly thankful that my in-laws could come. Especially my father-in-law. Poppy has learned what it is like to care for not only two little ones, but a big one too! He is my babysitter this week!
I have had a little anger throughout all this but it didn't last long. I really feel at peace and know that I am well taken care of. God clearly isn't finished with me yet and I hope that I can hear him when he tells me what my purpose on this earth is, because I know there is one! So if you have read the whole thing, and I know it is long, I hope that you have learned at least two things: 1) God knows what's going on. He puts you where you are supposed to be. And 2) listen to your body. If something seems off from normal don't ignore it.

Before my life changed instantaneously, we took a bunch of fun pictures at the nature station at LBL. This day will never leave my memory but these pictures will remind me of the fun we had that day before I had my stroke, and the fun I will get back to soon.

 

These two make me smile. They love each other! And Keagan likes to "walk" Annie on her leash!

My best friend and our kids, who are also best friends. Yes, we are both wearing coral pants. No, it wasn't planned. We are both that trendy.

Here are a few pics Stacey snapped while she had my boys at her house. Keagan apparently had a slight accident and so he got to wear some of Annie's pants. I use the term "got to" instead of  "had to" because Keagan apparently wanted to re-wear them the next day with Gama and Poppy!

Tomorrow is another day :)